Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize