is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
