I think I died a long time ago.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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