im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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