I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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