They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
