I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize