Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize