Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
