I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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