I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
