I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
