Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
