my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
