i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
