I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
