wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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