u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
