You smell like a Billy Joel song
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
