When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Someone signed my nipple.
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