Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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