this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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