god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
