I seem to have left my pride at pride
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This house was built for laser tag.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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