Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
