It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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