yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was CRYING into my vagina
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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