I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize