I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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