The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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