the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Even my vagina gasped.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
