My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
