dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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