Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
