i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
