thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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