I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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