Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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