You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
