I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
