My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
