Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if only i could text you this smell
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Randomize
