this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
