He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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