I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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