do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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