All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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