You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
