You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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