remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
