Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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