Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize