You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im holly from the hills drunk
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
