I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
