I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
