Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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