Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
