beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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