At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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