hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
