I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
