i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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