My nipple is on Facebook.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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