I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
