I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
