I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Floor bacon is actually really good
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
