apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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