I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
