remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize