he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
