I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
