FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
