I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
