I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize