i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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