I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
