i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
