im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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