I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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