You can't motorboat a personality
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
